Bankrupt Vatican Opens Its First Ever Luxury Shopping Mall

“Caput Mundi” Mall, the Vatican’s first ever luxury shopping mall, was opened just a stone’s throw from Saint Peter’s Basilica due to the financial bankruptcy it’s facing.

The economically-ailing Vatican has inaugurated a 120,000-square-foot shopping mall to cater to the millions of tourists and pilgrims that visit it each year.

After eating millions of dollars in losses on bad investments and running a serious deficit for several years in a row, the Vatican has opened the “Caput Mundi” Mall a stone’s throw from Saint Peter’s Basilica as an added revenue stream to supplement its flagging finances.

The new mall boasts over 40 boutiques featuring select Italian and foreign brands and includes clothing, accessories, jewelry, toys, cosmetics, and an exclusive and innovative food hall complete with a sushi bar.

Caput Mundi is adorned with an eclectic collection of contemporary artworks, including five original pieces by gay icon Andy Warhol.

The irony of the Vatican’s first shopping mall being launched during the pontificate of Pope Francis, a caustic critic of capitalism who has called for “a poor church for the poor,” has been lost on no one.

Earlier this month, the pontiff abolished housing discounts for cardinals, bishops, and other Vatican officials, citing a need to increase “revenues from the management of real estate assets.”

Traditionalists had doubts about Pope Francis’ liberal opinions and modifications to the Latin Mass. Now, there’s a secret Vatican plot to force Pope Francis to resign.

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